Overcoming Your Potential
01 Jun 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life As I Know It Tags: Child, children, Family, father, Home, illogicalfather, Learning, love, Parent, parenting, parents, Sleep, Spookie
I have never believed I was an amazing parent. I might write a blog about fatherhood & parenting. I may disagree with how other people raise their children. It is even possible I fail at parenting more often than I succeed, since the jury will be out on that verdict indefinitely. So, while I think I am doing alright, I think it is more likely that as a parent I am mediocre. The creation of life does not make us good parents. If anything, having a child makes us more neurotic & turn our quirks up to maximum volume.
I was thinking about the “Illogical” portion of my blog today. I realized that many people might assume my list of parental rules makes me a less than stellar parent. For example, I have a tendency to use foul language more than is appropriate. Spookie hears me, and knows the words I am saying (even though she may not understand the meaning). I have a bit of insomnia so her waking at 7 or 8 in the morning can sometimes mean she wakes up just hours before I fall asleep.
This is contrasted by the fact I am stubborn about many things when it comes to Spookie. No earrings until she decides she wants them (which is her eighth birthday this year). No misbehaving in public, or we leave instantly. This has ruined a few dinners, since I wasn’t done grocery shopping. I don’t verbally count to three I just hold my hand up and count using fingers silently (I have never gotten to three, except maybe twice). Plus, I am an obsessive hovering parent if she is playing outside. I will stay with in hearing, or visual range, at all times.
I suppose what I am saying is that the many things I lack as a parent don’t keep me from being a good parent. That is the illogical nature of parenting. It is the one thing people do in their life that they have no clue about at all until it is all done. Even then it only applies loosely to a different child. How many amazing people raised children that ended up making headlines negatively? How many children of wild, off the wall parents won awards for who they became later in life?
I adore my daughter. Having a child was the one life dream I always kept within myself since I was a child. As such, at times I treat her as a smaller argumentative version of myself. I sometimes find myself making her laugh by saying, “dammit”. We play games until eventually one of us argues that it isn’t fair. We watch police dramas, and at times scary movies. I do these things, and wonder if maybe I am doing it all wrong.
Then, as it happened this week, Spookie had slept in (I know this because I woke up & she was still asleep, which never happens) by maybe 2 hours. I got up put the puppy downstairs, and came back in to lay down. She wasn’t asleep like I thought just lying there eyes open. I asked her if she was tired, she said, “No…just wanted to lay down.” So, I got in bed to catch a few more minutes of sleep. When I did, she reached out and held my hand, and closed her eyes. I then fell asleep again.
A few hours later, as I was driving her back to her mom’s I asked her why she slept in. I had set up Netflix to the movie she wanted to watch in the morning, which she didn’t watch at all. Her reply was “Because I love you!” I told her I loved her too. Then we rode in silence.
It hit me that maybe, with all the times I have messed up as a dad, maybe I did something right. Maybe I could do better than I expect. Parenthood isn’t this strict list of Do’s & Dont’s, perhaps it is an experience where the sky is the limit. These children who will be forever our babies, even as adults, are quietly & slyly telling us it is possible to be the hero’s & heroine’s they believe us to be in their hearts.
Imagine the potential we have if all it takes is your child smiling, laughing, or just sitting with you to get that motivation. These little people are capable of lifting us up, and helping us realize we can be more than we expected!
Hell, Spookie held my hand while I slept. Just because she loves me!! Just that, and it makes all the difference in the world.
That is parenthood at its greatest.
~Illogical Father
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The Relationship/Parenthood Analogy
27 May 2012 Leave a Comment
in Illogical Advice Tags: Adolescence, advice, Child, children, Children Youth and Family, Family, growing pains, Home, illogicalfather, Infant, love, Parent, parenting, parents, Shopping
The other day I was thinking about how parents deal with their child becoming a teenager. I wondered why there was often so much strain & struggle. There always seemed to be more to it than just the child trying to become more independent. Then I got the idea that the relationship you have with your child is almost like a dysfunctional relationship.
When it all starts out, you both adore each other. Why not? You provide everything your baby needs, and the baby gives you that parental joy that is nearly impossible to explain. It is the honeymoon period of a family. Sure, you are tired, and irritable with others. Yet, the slightest smile, hiccup, laugh, or grasping baby hand makes it all worthwhile. This is the same in other relationships “honeymoon” period. You might have work, or other obligations, but you still cherish the moments you get from your new love.
Once you get nice & cozy, that is when you notice little irritants. They call this the terrible twos & threes. You realize this once perfect angel that only had to giggle to brighten your day is now has habits that bother you. Spookie around the age of three learned that I hate having things put in my face (hands, fingers, etc.). Unfortunately, one of her habits is that she invades people’s personal space almost nonstop, especially if you tell her you don’t like things in your face. Like a relationship it might annoy you, but it still doesn’t change the fact that you adore your child.
The thing that parents with teenagers (or older) encounter is the scales of balance in the relationship change over time. How many parents have you met that seem to think their child can do no wrong? We all do this to some extent. We have spent our children’s lifetime putting them on this pedestal. Each accomplishment it grows a little bit higher. Each bonding moment it grows a tad bit more.
There isn’t anything wrong with this…it is a natural reaction for a parent watching their child grow from a helpless baby to a capable young adult.
During all this, the child is seeing the parent become less & less godlike. You go from being a required lifeline for food & health, to a capable yet not nearly perfect adult. So as time goes on the pedestal they put you on becomes a tad bit lower. To the child they feel closer to your level as time goes on.
This is like every unbalanced relationship where one person has ultimate control. They sit on a pedestal you made for them, and slowly, but surely you realize that they are flawed, maybe as much as you. This is when most people either learn to compromise their ideal with reality, or they give up.
Parents don’t have this luxury though. As a parent, once you take away the mythical status you have given your child over the years, you are left with the reality of the person you have raised. This leads to struggles, and arguments in many cases. Imagine the son who is yelled at by a disapproving father because he did not become an all-star quarterback , prom king, etc. It is the difference between who your child is in reality, and who they are in your preordained fantasy.
So, if you are in a situation like this with your child, what do you do? Start by letting your child teach you…about what they enjoy, what they think, and who they feel they are. Open communication so you can both reconcile the fact that neither of you is perfect, and that the previous fact doesn’t in any way effect the love you have for one another. Just like any other relationship it takes time, and patience. Even though someone isn’t perfect they can still be perfect for you.
Eventually, you will both be back on your pedestals, but on an equal level so you can meet each other eye to eye.
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Parental Eye-Rolling 101
20 May 2012 3 Comments
in Illogical Advice, Life As I Know It Tags: advice, children, illogicalfather, Parent, parenting, parents
It wasn’t until recently that I came to the conclusion the only reason eye-rolling exists is children. Some people may tell you that it is wrong to do such a thing to your child. I disagree! It is a tool in our parenting arsenal. For those moments when speaking would cause more trouble than not, or times when you reach the brink of cursing out loud. It is just more productive to twist your eyeballs as far towards the back of your skull as humanly possible. I have had a few moments of this over the past couple weeks.
And the eyes have it!!
- Spookie jumps into her booster seat after I pick her up from school, and launches into a convoluted story of another little girl. Apparently, this girl was upset Spookie was spending all her time with her boyfriend (whom I have never heard of before that very moment). Well, Spookie tried to split playground time between the two of them. This did not work. Spookie then tried finding a mutual activity they could all play together. This worked for a few minutes before the other girl ran away crying because she “couldn’t handle seeing them play together”!! This is 1st grade!!! I listened, asked questions, and offered non-biased advice…All the while, I was rolling my eyes. In that short trip I got a raging migraine…either from the drama, or the constant eye rolling.
- I have spent several hours trying to explain to Spookie that her baby sister (soon-to-be) is not my daughter. I explained that she will be special to me regardless because she is Spookie’s baby sister. It is a symptom, I suppose, of the modern family. I don’t blame her for not “getting it”, but it causes me to rack my brain for explanations that answer her questions. I am also having the same trouble explaining to her that when people have a baby doesn’t necessarily mean they are married. I tell her I was never married, and she rolls her eyes at me!
- Anytime she is around a boy…That’s it! That simple! My little girl goes from GIRL POWER to SISSY PRISSY PANTS! Batting eyelashes, being demure, and other things girls did a lot in the 1950′s. It probably wouldn’t be too horrible, but she makes me proofread anything she has written to a boy. So, the words from her heart are now imprinted in my head.
All these things are normal stages of growth, but the little known secret no parent likes to share is this…Once you have a child (or children) you will grow through the same stages of childhood yourself. I mean each time your child has heartache over young love, or questions the more confusing aspects of adult society…BAM…You are right there with them dealing & most likely reliving your own childhood at the same time. This is the reason for eye-rolling in a nutshell.
Other times though, it is just because you are as annoyed with your clingy, crying best friend. You know the one…they are super dramatic because you are in a relationship. Apparently, this also starts early in childhood, continuing into a very elderly spinster-hood.
~Illogical Father
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Illogical Father Concerns: Little Girl Dress Thyself…Not Like That!
24 Mar 2012 2 Comments
in Illogical Father Concerns Tags: Buttocks, children, Clothing, father, illogicalfather, Nanny, parenting, parents, Spookie, Trousers
Plumber's butt (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I think the fundamental lesson a parent learns is this…The joy of you child learning a new task is quickly over shadowed by the fear of them doing that task.
Spookie has had a knack for dressing herself for a few years. I was so happy. Partially due to the fact I got to see what her style was like, and also, it reduced my struggle with pants & shirts by 25%. I mean the worst that could happen was clashing colors.
Yet, that was then & this is now.
While I might have seen pants & shirts with butterfly, or puppy pictures years ago. A week ago I see that Miss Spookie has dressed herself for St. Patty’s Day. I see green tank top, green socks, green undies, and pink skirt. It should be noted that the lack of green pants or skirts was the only reason for the fashion faux pas.
Anyway, Spookie got up for a second to play, with Burt the insane puppy, and I catch the horrific sight of butt cheek !!!
All the years of dressing in cutesy clothes with rainbows, and cartoons, died that day in my heart. I did what any parent would do…I tried to keep from openly weeping, or screaming. Then, I said, “Hey! Go put some dang jeans on, or something. You aren’t going outside when I can see your butt cheek.”
To which, I get in reply, “Don’t you like my outfit?”
“Of course, I like your outfit. Except the part where I can see the crease of your butt cheek. Please change.” Problem solved.
A few days later, Nanny & I went on a shopping trip to get more clothes appropriate for public outings. I made sure to stick to cartoon shirts, capri pants, and boy shorts. It seems my fatherly craftiness is in need of upgrading on a weekly basis.
Lord help us all!
-Illogical Father
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Grandparent & Grandchild Battle Royale…It’s Genetic
19 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Illogical Origins Tags: children, Family, food, funny, Grandpa, Grandparent, illogicalfather, Nanny, Pancake, parenting, parents, Spookie, Television, Yahtzee
Increasingly, the weekends I spend with Spookie & Nanny (or, for those of you who are new…my daughter & my mother) I find myself telling them to stop arguing. More accurately, “Both of you stop I can’t even hear the TV because you’re both fussing AND the damned puppy keeps chewing the empty 2 liter bottle!!!” I have become the referee to some ongoing battle between the two of them. Of course, looking back to my own childhood, it was bound to happen. Thanks to genetics!
On a calm lazy weekend day, I find myself relaxing sitting next to Spookie watching some random show…like Criminal Minds or Cops OR The Regular Show. We sit there watching, as I occasionally start annoying Spookie. Nudging her with my elbow. Staring at her until she gets irritated. Maybe even covering our heads in a blanket pretending we are a two-headed scarf ghost. You know…the normal things parents do. Nanny is usually playing her Yahtzee hand-held game that is older than Spookie. Constant blips & beeps for hours. I become immersed in the show, eventually. Next thing I hear in the real world
Nanny: Oh nevermind…
Spookie: What? I didn’t say anything.
Nanny: I know. You aren’t paying attention like you Dad.
Me: What? I didn’t say anything.
Nanny: I know. It doesn’t matter…I asked where her shoes were.
Spookie: I don’t know.
Nanny: Well if you lose them I can’t be held responsible.
Spookie: Why are you so angry?
Nanny: to me Where are her shoes? Why aren’t you paying attention?
Me: OMG! Well, I was trying to see if the giant talking bluejay was gonna fight the ghost for a crown. But I am pretty sure her shoes are where she puts them every week.
Over the next 15 minutes Spookie & Nanny glare at each other. Spookie cuddling into me while glaring. Then a lot of sentences between the both of them that begin with, “Fine! I tried….” or “Fine! blah blah blah…..” I am becoming adept at distracting both hostile ladies in short order.
In the past, I had tried to resolve the innocent bickering. Now, I realize it was bound to happen. My relationship with my Grandpa was a good one, but we bickered like an old married couple. During these spats Nanny was the referee. Although, to my own credit, Grandpa & I had much more entertaining arguments.
Once, we got into a day long argument because I was in the habit of cleaning out my Grandpa’s fridge. He was in his eighties, had poor eyesight, and forgot stuff in the fridge. Each weekend, when he realized I was cleaning the fridge he would saunter up cane in hand behind me. He would just stand watching me. I would pull out old milk. That’s still good milk! What you wasting it for? Although, the milk was bumpy. I would toss a pre-made pancake mix in a bottle. Them blueberry pancakes are still fine…I had some yesterday!! Even though the mix said they were most definitely NOT blueberry pancakes. There were blue things in them to be fair. This went on for a few hours.
My mom would arrive from work, and she would get the rundown of all the stuff I had thrown away that was perfectly good. During these conversations I stopped being referred to by name, but rather became “The Boy“. One time it was a day long argument over me drawing cartoon faces on his eggs in the egg tray in the fridge. I didn’t throw them away, but I had ruined them by drawing various smiley faces on them. Grandpa refused to eat them, until they actually went bad. Then about a week later after getting new eggs I opened the fridge, and there sat a full dozen eggs with smiley faces drawn on them…by my Grandpa.
Another time in the distant past of Illogical Father, during the days when I was just an illogical boy, I tried teaching my Grandpa how to use a microwave. After weeks of training him to heat coffee, and soup, he decided he wanted it thrown out. He said it was broke. I went to be the 12-year-old handyman I believed myself to be. I went to the kitchen, and walked back a few seconds later. I asked as calmly as I could what he set the microwave on he informed me he set it for 30 minutes to cook a pork chop. He walked to the microwave pointed where he set it…..30 seconds. Then, to prove his point he grabbed something off the top of the microwave. The raw uncooked pork chop…that had a huge bite out of it. Before I could vomit I started laughing. I then explained what happened. He laughed, and said it didn’t taste too bad…just funny. It was worth the 20 minute argument we had about the microwave being a P.O.S.
The lesson I learned by remembering all the minor spats I had with Grandpa was this…If anyone is in the same house with someone for any extended time there will be arguments about the silliest things. So, I try to not to interfere with Spookie & Nanny. Mainly because they are making awesome memories they both will end up cherishing. I for one can’t wait for the day I can argue with a grandchild to do the same.
-Illogical Father
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The 2012 Return of Illogical Father & Spookie
11 Feb 2012 3 Comments
in Life As I Know It Tags: Chicken McNuggets, Chicken nugget, conversations, funny, growing pains, illogicalfather, McDonald, New Year, parenting, parents
The New Year has ushered in a new level of relationship for Spookie & I. As much as I dislike being a typical parent, I have to say she is growing up very fast. In some ways this is the end of an era, and a bit saddening, but I also realize that it also brings in a new period of our relationship that is deeper & gradually less childlike. So bring on the new!!!
One of the first things that happened was we had our first “mature” father/daughter talk. She suggested we go someplace quiet & away from Nanny, Burt (the fattest puppy in the world), and the television. We sat in a quiet room, and talked!! What we talked about is confidential, but we talked of quite a few things she felt she needed to get out. At times, she would clam up & start being silly (a ploy I use myself when nervous), or she would nervously start pacing. It surprised me that I was holding such a serious conversation with such a small girl. I supposed it surprised me so much due to the fact it made me look at my daughter as a person. I realize she is a human being, but I mean to say I was relating to her as I would relate to anyone else who has issues, problems, or thoughts of their own. It felt significantly like a first step developmentally (for me as a parent).
Of course, Spookie has other developments which I find delightful. She has discovered how to make me laugh. We laughed, and joked around a lot anyway, but it was more just being silly. Lately, she has caught me off-guard with her humor, which has a healthy dose of dry sarcasm.
Spookie: I had this thing from McDonald’s that wasn’t a chicken nugget, but tasted like chicken. I don’t know what it was.
Me: Probably was a chicken sandwich, or those new chicken bites.
Spookie: No Dad! I know what those are, and it wasn’t them. It was good I liked it.
Me: Was it a Filet O’Fish sandwich? What size was it?
Spookie: It wasn’t fish either. It was the size of a chicken nugget!
Me: Are you trying to trick me into going to McDonald’s?? This doesn’t make any sense! The McDonald’s by your mom’s house should have the same food as the McDonald’s by my house!
Spookie: Dad, calm down! I told you it was the size of a nugget, but it isn’t a nugget. It tasted like chicken.
Me: Oh my God! What is this a riddle!? I am not going to McDonald’s to look at their menu….GAHHH!….Now I wanna go see what you are talking about!
Spookie: I’m not hungry. I don’t want McDonald’s. Can we talk about something else?
Me: *Bursting into laughter* I can’t even think straight…. tastes like a nugget….size of a nugget…not a nugget!!
Spookie: *laughing now as well* Dad!!! Turn the radio on, I don’t want to talk about this anymore you are getting to upset!
Me: *Laughing too hard* Oh Lord, this is gonna haunt me.
Spookie: *mumbles* I was just saying that whatever it was it was really good tasting…….
Me: Stop talking about it!!!!
This is my personal version of Abbott & Costello‘s “Who’s on First?” routine. It has been two weeks, and every time I bring it up she tells me to drop it. Ah well.
I have also become frightened that my little girl is becoming a woman. Now, I am not saying anything about liking someone, or anything like that. I mean she suddenly does mysterious girl things for no apparent reason. Then, even after asking why she did something the answer reveals nothing (or just makes her seem more woman than child).
Tonight I told her to get ready for bedtime. I went to the bathroom, and came back in the room. I couldn’t find her so I check to see if she is playing with the puppy, or talking to Nanny, or behind something petting the cat. No where! So, I check my room again. There she is already laying down & tucked in. I laid beside her, and asked why she was already laying down. She always waits for me. I cover her up, and then lay there til she starts falling asleep. Her response, “I got tired of waiting.” I then inexplicably felt bad for making her wait a few minutes while I was using the restroom. Before I could say anything she asks, ” Could you massage my back while I go to sleep?” I then had a sudden violent flashback of being asked that question nearly daily by her mother. I may have wept a little at the beginning signs of lady behavior.
Although she did show signs of mysterious girl behavior that made me chuckle (in my own mind at least). She pulled off the catty girl talk method of “trash talking“. We were leaving her school, and she makes me lean towards her so she can whisper, “See that girl in the dress? Yeah, she’s nice, and everything. BUT she wears a diaper! Don’t look!!! But yeah she told everyone too. Who does that?” She then stops her whispering, and in a girly voice last heard in the movie Mean Girls, “Bye! I love your dress!” Then back at me whispering, “DIAPERS!”
All in all, things are changing and I gotta take the good with the bizarre. We are constantly evolving even though I have a harder time keeping up. Also, in case you were wondering, we did have a chat about talking about people behind their backs, and about being rude.
God Help Me!
-Illogical Father
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Frustrations of a Part-Time Parent
14 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
in Life As I Know It Tags: Child, children, Family, father, growing pains, Health, Home, illogicalfather, Parent, parenting, parents, Part-time, Spookie
Normally, I share thoughts on the cute stories of fatherhood, or the worries & concerns that plague me as a parent. Today though I have decided to put my parental frustrations out there. I refer to it as being a part-time parent, but not in a degrading, or flippant way. It is common logic that there are issues that arise from physically being with your child a fraction of the week that 24/7 parents, or even primary custody parents (at times), do not encounter.
I am a part-time parent. However, I am a full time father. The one thing I had to learn to accept right off the bat was this…I would have limited time with my daughter. This was a realization I had when the relationship ended with Spookie’s mother. She moved about an hour away from where we lived. Spookie was nine months old at the time. The depression was horrid! I fell into a frantic nesting mode just days after the split. I spent hundreds (closer to thousands) on redecorating a new room for Spookie. I also did the same for my room. It was obvious to those close to me that I was suffering from separation anxiety. Looking back the design of the rooms it was a blatant form of acting out.
Our rooms were next to each other and built as almost mirror images of each other anyway. Yet my redecorating made this more obvious. Her room was lilac & pink, a huge amount of toys, large open spaces, and colored fabrics to bathe the room with an array of colors when the sun shone through the windows.
Mirroring this room was my own, but it was a complete contrast. It was painted black, seriously no fancy names on the label, just “Black”. Huge pieces of black vinyl covered the windows so that even on the brightest day no light entered. Black sheets on the bed, and nearly devoid of any belongings other than a TV, and a computer. My room also had an air conditioner which was on endlessly, whereas her room was warm and bright my own was cold and dark.
It was a rough time, but eventually I learned to deal with the continuous pain of giving my child away after only 48 hours a week. It has been over 6 years now, but all those feelings are still there, but they are dealt with by someone with more experience under his belt. There are some parents who panic after a day without their child, and it is understandable. To this day, if I go without seeing Spookie for the regular 5 weekdays, I become depression, irritable and tend to lash out at people.
My mood typically scales up in proportion to the quality time I get with Spookie. The one problem I have had the past few years (aka school age years) is that my visitation cannot be altered to accommodate my work schedule as I had done in the past. The main problem is my type of work is very weekend reliant. So the past few years it has come to pass that of my weekend visits, about half of that is spent at work…away from my daughter.
This poses a problem not only for me, but for my daughter. She gets moody & depressed as well if there isn’t enough time together. It manifests in different ways. While she independently sleeps in her own room while at her mom’s house; she at most sleeps one night (of two)in her room. That in itself is rare. I can’t bring myself to push her towards that specific milestone of growing up yet. I am very restless if I am sharing a bed, but if my little bed hog is there I drop right off. Usually, sleeping like a rock for the first time that week.
This is also accompanied by clingy behavior, which I don’t mind, such as sitting directly on me during any time we are together. Not on my lap, but rather on my chest, halfway on my arm & leg as I try to eat, or any other odd combo. It isn’t bothersome in the least, it is tough to see a behavior like this, and know that something you are doing is the cause.
Night owl quality time!
For me I suppose it is nearly unavoidable to be a bit mopey about the situation. I over-analyze things to death. So I know that I spend 8 days a month with my daughter, which ends up being about 3 1/2 months a year. Not counting times she’s with me, but I am not “there” due to schedules. Then I sit and think of her as a mobile teen, and know that friends & other activities will lower that time. Until by the time she’s an adult, she will be off living her life, and have less time with me.
Wow! That was a black hole, emotional moment, but it isn’t that I am begging sympathy because of it. It is just that at times when I am not out & about with Spookie in tow I feel that people may think I am lucky to have time to socialize, or relax.
Those people would be wrong. Yet, it is a lesson in playing the hand you are dealt…even if you picked the cards.
-Illogical Father
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